Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
