so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize