I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
