Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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