If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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