In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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