so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
