I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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