Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
