At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
