Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
