If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
