My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize