I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
