I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
