I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
