fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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