I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
