My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
