So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
