There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
