Will you blow on my dice?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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