Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
