One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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