Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
