i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
