I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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