Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
