I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
