I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
