She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize