hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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