so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
