you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i dont even know how to be here
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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