I hate all girls vehemently.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
