No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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