proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
