he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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