I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
