I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
