I think I died a long time ago.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
