from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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