Dual....:-)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
