I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
