one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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