remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
