i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
