My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
