First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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