Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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