If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
