Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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