He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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