You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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