Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
