Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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