so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
