you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
