I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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