saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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