i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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