No awkward lesbian experiences without me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
