We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
