He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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