Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
