You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
