yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
