Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
