I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
