My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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