you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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