Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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