Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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